When a marriage ends, it leaves people feeling like they failed at something. That feeling, when left unchecked, festers, resulting in a lot of negative emotions that would prevent you from finding out what more life has for you.
Thus, rather than dwell on what went wrong and the life you once had, channeling your energy into finding your new “normal” would help you let go of the past and forge ahead in life.
Divorce does not have to be the end of everything good in your life; In fact, it can be the start of something new.
Here are some tips to help you in starting life after divorce:
Purge Yourself of Negative Emotions
This saying might be a cliché, but a very effective one. In the words of Robert Alberti, Ph.D., and the co-author of Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, “It is common to sweep [your] emotions under the table, but you have to work through them, or they’ll pollute your life forever.”
Thus, let yourself feel all the negative emotions that come with being on your own again. Purge yourself of the feelings of shame, inferiority, the failure that comes with having a failed marriage, and chin up to start your life anew.
After ridding yourself of negative emotions, you need to clear and organize your thoughts. One thing that divorce brings to your life is clarity. It helps you get to this “Aha!” moment where the rest of your life flashes before you.
Clarity would help you let go of past regrets and bitterness. You’ll go from feeling like you are never going to get through the pain to a place of inner peace where you are convinced that the pain won’t last forever.
Discover and Rediscover
Another silver lining that divorce brings is the opportunity to discover new things about yourself. You get to rediscover the things you gave up during your marriage.
Getting married and staying that way for years takes a lot of sacrifices. Its end means that you get to either go back to the person you used to be or reinvent into something better.
If the bravest thing you did before is to go over the speed limit, then you might want to go hiking or skydiving. It does not have to be extreme. The vital thing is knowing that you can do whatever you want, as long as it is safe, legal, and within your budget.
Being alone is scary for a lot of people after being with someone for a long time, but it doesn’t have to be. Thankfully, we live in a world where social media thrives. Meeting new people won’t be much of a hassle.
Often, married people keep the same circle of friend. After a divorce, things tend to get awkward, especially if the separation was messy. So, use your newly single status to meet new people, especially those you’ve always admired but couldn’t be friends with because your spouse did not approve.
Also, divorce means you get to date again. However, rather than do the rebound thing, go the transitional way. Transitional dating means going out for the fun of it.
It involves trying to date people outside your comfort zone.
People are often stronger than they give themselves credit for, and there’s no better way to find your inner strength than to lose something you thought would last forever.
Discovering your inner strength would help you own your life by taking charge. So, if you used to rely on your partner for most of the things, now, you get to do those things yourself and learn in the process. You might make mistakes, but since you survived divorce, you’ll dust yourself up and try again until you get it right.
As mentioned earlier, a divorce is not the end of life and starting life after divorce doesn’t have to be so hard.
There are vast opportunities to explore as a single person. All you have to do is accept that what’s lost cannot be gotten back. Your life is no longer tied to one person and starting new is up to you.