Can’t quite figure out how to get over a breakup? Having issues letting go and moving on from your last relationship?
Breakups are tricky – they’re emotional, they’re hard, and it’s normal to feel conflicted, especially if you were very close with that person. Even if you know that the end of the relationship was for the best, feelings of sadness can linger.
However, sometimes these feelings last a lot longer. You may find yourself still thinking about and missing your ex many months or even years later.
If you’re having a hard time getting over a breakup or moving on from a past relationship, understanding the reasons behind your feelings could help you process, let go, and move on.
Here Are 7 Reasons Why You May Be Struggling to Get Over a Breakup and Move On:
Read on to learn common reasons that could explain why you’re struggling to move on, along with guidance on how to get over a breakup once and for all.
1. You haven’t truly accepted the breakup
How can you get over a breakup when you haven’t yet been able to process it?
It is much harder to move on from a past relationship if you are still holding out hope that you will get back together. You may be thinking that the separation is just a temporary situation, or even a mistake.
If you feel like you haven’t yet come to terms with the fact you are no longer together, you can’t really move on and start the rest of your life.
If this is the case, try to shift the focus back onto yourself. Spend your time and energy on self-care and focusing on doing things that make you feel good, build your confidence, and start the important process of moving on.
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2. You are still in contact with your ex
While some people believe that the “no contact” rule is best (unless you work with your ex or share custody of children with them) and others disagree, it is usually helpful to reduce the time you spend talking or interacting with them in real life and over social media as much as possible.
If your ex texts you, don’t feel pressured to respond straight away (or at all, depending on the circumstances). It’s also important to gauge how you feel when you’re contacted by your ex – does it bring anxiety, excitement, uncertainty, confusion?
The emotions that arise when you’re in contact can act as a compass to where you’re at in the post-break up healing process. If you’re not yet over the breakup, it may be wise to distance yourself for the time being.
3. You keep checking their social media profiles
Social media has made it possible to keep in contact with, or simply snoop on, anyone else who’s on it – including your ex.
While this can be a good thing when it comes to keeping in touch with old friends or distant family members, the temptation to check on what your ex is doing is a big downside that can impact your mental health (in addition to your ability to let go and move on).
Whether you find that your ex has moved on and is in a new relationship or is struggling with the break-up, checking on your ex regularly (via social media or otherwise) is not a way to move on yourself, and isn’t fair to either of you.
If you’re wondering how to get over a breakup, a great place to start is not checking up on them on social media.
4. Your self-esteem is also recovering
The end of a relationship can sometimes have a negative impact on your self-esteem. If your partner was the one to break up with you, you may feel rejected or like you are not good enough, which can make getting over the breakup even more challenging.
If this is the case, you should remember that not being right for one specific person does not define your worth or your attractiveness to others.
Not being right for one specific person does not define your worth or your attractiveness to others.
You may also find that you were reliant on your partner to provide you with validation when you were together, and now that source of external validation is gone. Going to therapy or practicing self-care and self-love can help you build (or re-build) self-esteem that comes from within, rather than from somebody else.
And that self-esteem and self-confidence that comes from within is the key to healing, letting go, and moving on in a more healthy and realistic mindset.
5. You suffer from trauma
Many people have abandonment issues or worthiness issues that they experienced during childhood. If you suffer from abandonment trauma, any experiences of abandonment or perceived abandonment can be extremely difficult to process and deal with.
You may also have experienced some kind of trauma during the relationship. If the relationship was abusive, for example, it is common to struggle to completely move on from it psychologically, even if you are glad to be out of it.
Break-ups can be even more difficult for people who are suffering from trauma. If you struggle with any kind of trauma, therapy and other forms of professional help or support can be extremely helpful.
6. You are afraid of being alone
Sometimes it is not a specific relationship or person that you miss, but companionship in general. If you are someone who craves close company and are prone to anxiety or depression when alone, break-ups can be very difficult.
Difficult as it may be, it’s important to realize that being in an unhealthy relationship is actually worse for your well-being than being alone. If you are feeling lonely, spending time with loved ones and focusing on self-care and being productive can be incredibly helpful.
In the long run, learning how to be happy in your own company is important for your mental health, and will also help you find a more healthy relationship in the future.
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7. You did not get closure
Figuring out how to move on after a breakup is challenging in itself. It is often important for our mental health to get a sense of closure when something like a serious relationship ends. Even if the end is bad, it can be less frustrating than a relationship that ends in mysterious circumstances that leave you with questions.
You may have been “ghosted” or broken up with without any explanation of why, leaving you to wonder what you did wrong. If this is the case, you should try to not blame yourself – your ex should have given you an explanation even if it hurt to hear.
If you are able to get closure, this can help you to move on. If you are not able to do this, it is important to accept that some things may remain a mystery and you can still carry on with your life.
If you can’t get closure from the other person, you can still take steps to find your own closure; whether it’s writing them a letter sharing how you feel (you do not have to send it – this is for your healing process), it could be seeking out therapy or confiding in a trusted loved on to help you process.
Find a way to help you move on that works for you, and trust the journey.
Process, Heal, and Let Go: The Takeaway on How to Move On After a Break-Up
When you are struggling to move on from a past relationship, think about what it meant to you and whether it really was the best thing for you and your ex.
If, after giving yourself time to process and assess the situation, you still genuinely feel that the break-up was a mistake, perhaps you should try to reconcile.
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However, if you know that the relationship is best left in the past, using these tips can help you move on after a breakup and start the next chapter of your life.